The following is from my original 2012 blogging attempt:

Several years ago I was in a place in my life where I needed to live in a long-term, residential facility called "The Women's Home." It is a place where women can go to get back on their feet. I went through a lot of growth and spiritual healing during my stay at the home and will probably refer to it from time to time in my posts. I bring it up now because I would like to share a story that I wrote for a class I took during my stay there.

When you are a resident at the home you're required to attend meetings, classes and groups. They even have a chapel service you can attend on Friday mornings instead of the usual morning meeting, if you'd prefer. Anyway, there was this one class that we had to take on public speaking. It was designed to be a confidence builder as well as teaching you to speak in front of others. I'll never forget the teacher of the class, Katy the Horse Lady. We called her that because she owned a horse farm.

Katy gave us an assignment in which she wanted us to write about something we were passionate about. Not only did we have to write about it, we had to share it in front of the class. My initial reaction was, "Great! What in the world am I going to write about? I'm not passionate about anything." I went home that afternoon and continued reading this book I had started several days before and that is when I found my topic. The following is the story I wrote:

CHOICES & FAILURES

by Rebekah L. Hicks - 1997

Recently I started reading a book by Richard Leslie Parrish-Bach titled One. The Bachs are the main characters, in this fictional novel where they find themselves meeting their alternate selves in alternate realities.

In one of the chapters there was a statement made regarding choices and the impact they have on our lives. The statement was this, “We can have excuses, or we can have health, love, longevity, understanding, adventure, money and happiness. We design our lives through the power of our choices. We feel most helpless when we’ve made choices by default, when we haven’t designed our lives on our own."

This got me to thinking and I realized two things. The first thing I realized is that nothing happens without a choice being made. From the moment we wake up in the morning to the time we go to sleep at night we make a thousand little choices and a few big ones that determine the course of our lives and our values. Most of the time the choices we make are so automatic that we don’t even realize we’ve made them; and sometimes it takes a great deal of discussion and thought before we can make a choice.

Some people will argue this point saying, “I don’t have to make any decisions/choices at all.” The funny thing is, the moment they made that statement, they made a choice. That’s right they chose not to choose.

The second thing I realized is that we allow our fear of failure to determine the choices we make. A lot of times we choose to take “the easy road“ in life, because we are afraid of failure. There is this huge stigma surrounding “failure.” Let me post this question to you: what is failure anyway? The dictionary defines failure as falling short; of not succeeding in doing or becoming; a person or a thing that does not succeed.

Now let me tell you my definition of a failure. A failure is someone who falls down and doesn't get up but simply says, “I can't!” I know this because I was a failure for several years. I let my past rule my present and my future. I couldn't do this or that because I just wasn't good enough. I couldn’t sing well enough to use the full four-year music scholarship I was offered. I couldn't write well enough to be published. As a matter of fact, I was not even good enough to live because I had nothing to contribute to life. At least that's what I thought.

It took me 16 years to realize that I do have something to offer. 16 years to pick myself up, dust myself off and press forward. It hasn't been easy, but then again, “Nothing worth having is ever easy to get!”

I was a failure because I wouldn't get up, but I'm not a failure anymore. Now I choose to live life instead of exist in it. I choose to fight for what I want instead of giving up. I choose to pick myself up when I fall and I choose to try no matter what. That means if I never become a singer, at least I tried. If I never become a writer, well, at least I tried that too. From this day forward, I'll do my best to never say, “I can't!” And the fact is, I may not be able to do everything I set my mind to but I can always choose to try.

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I wish I could say that after writing the story I made all the right choices from then on, but of course that would be a lie. I can, however, say that through all the ups and downs in the years following my stay at The Women’s Home I have continued to pick myself up when I fall. So, even though I may feel like a failure from time to time, I am not a failure because I keep trying!